Learn How To Write

Posted June 14, 2013 by

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Do you know how to write? Do you think that you know how to write? It’s one of those things that technically any literate person knows how to do, but really what we’re talking about is learning how to write well. If you aren’t confident about how you string two word together, you might have a tougher time dating online.

It may sound like a strange thing to say that, even though the world of the web and the internet seems to be ruled by pictures and the like, knowing how to write a good and effective message really is the key to having a productive time with dating online. Really until we all have some sort of voice driven internet in which every website is more akin to a TV channel than a magazine, the internet is still primarily driven by the written word.




Think of it this way, what good are pictures, videos, and the like if – when you reach out to them – your message is either ignored or can’t be understood. This, alas, is common on online dating sites: far too many men and women send out messages that are confusing or unintentionally rude. This kind of thing is frustrating for the people getting the messages and, worse, means that they will be far less likely be interested in meeting the person sending the messages. Would you want to go on a date with someone who’s either rude or unintelligible? We’re trying to find a partner that’s attractive and the ability to write can go a long way towards proving that to others. And after all, this is kind of the point of being on an online dating site to begin with.

When you’re speaking, a lot of your intended meaning can be determined simply by the tone and volume that you use. This isn’t a tool that’s available while writing, which is why sarcasm famously doesn’t work with the written word. In order to convey more subtle meanings, you often have to be a little more clever with how you compose your sentences.

A lot of the trick to writing a good message is simply to know the basics of language. This does not mean to say that all of your messages should necessarily be perfect, but if you can’t be understood then really the entire exercise is useless. A good rule of thumb is to take things slowly to begin with. In other words instead of being overtly sexual, it can be better to be witty or polite. Many people can be simply turned off by rude or aggressive messages. Often we don’t mean to be rude or aggressive, but our words can be construed that way and then it didn’t matter to begin with, that’s the way we came across. Another important thing to remember is that while texting can be fine while you’re on your phone, an email message is very different. An email isn’t a phone, so you should always use full words in an email. This will go a long way to be fully and clearly understood.

Another rule of thumb, especially when it comes to email, is just to reread what you’ve just written. Sometimes in the process of writing we may loose our train of thought for a moment and our words can get jumbled without even realizing it. Giving yourself a quick edit before pressing send can be a real help and go a long way towards being better understood. while you’re rereading, try to imagine someone reading what you’ve written for the first time without knowing what you’re trying to say. If you have the idea in your head and it makes perfect sense to you, sometimes it can be tricky to know how it will sound to someone else. Remember though, the better you’re understood in your writing, the better time you’ll have dating online.

You probably know by now that you should have a good picture to go with your profile. But remember that no matter how good your photogenic presence is, it won’t do any good if you cannot be understood by the person you are writing to. So often online the dating process will begin with a text or an email. This is your crucial first impression that will get you in the front door, figuratively and literally!


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About the Author

Paul Abbey
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Paul Abbey has a Masters Degree in Sexual Health from the University of Sydney in Australia. He has authored several self-help novels and has been a guest speaker in four Continents and many different cities from around the world. At, Abbey is the leading authority in human sexuality and he strives to help shape the dating community into a more relevant and understanding place for both men and women.