Random Thoughts On Love

Posted January 6, 2011 by

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I’ve been thinking about love lately, how it just comes right out and fucks us when we’re least expecting it. Like hey, where the fuck have you been hiding bitch? I was totally looking for you last March and then you have to sneak up on me just when I got out of an uglier-than-ugly long term relationship that ended like a dirty campfire full of half-cooked wieners and burnt plastic. Why did you show up now? Just curious, because you kind of screwed up all of my plans. You have turned me into that fool I just swore I’d never be again.

What can I say about you, love? I read an interesting stat on you the other day:

Worldwide, 1.2 million people fall in love every day. (In other words, worldwide, 1.2 million people become goddamn fools everyday).

Love, you’ve got three faces, don’t you?:

Rational Love: I love chair. I love lamp. Because they allow me to work and see.

Erotic Love: I want to roll around naked with those sexy women on the floor.

Emotional Love: Damn. This douche stole my breath and turned me into a gumby mother fucker; I’m all weak and shit and when I think of my love object my spine turns all jelly like. Worse kind of love. By far. Also the love every single person on your online dating service is looking for.

In closing, as my friends over at once put it, “Love is a curious, poorly understood physiological problem caused by brain cells. The best known cure is smelling paint.”

Bye-bye, Love. I hope you leave me alone next time ’round. See you on the dark side.

About the Author

Paul Abbey
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Paul Abbey has a Masters Degree in Sexual Health from the University of Sydney in Australia. He has authored several self-help novels and has been a guest speaker in four Continents and many different cities from around the world. At, Abbey is the leading authority in human sexuality and he strives to help shape the dating community into a more relevant and understanding place for both men and women.